you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
