Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
