Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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