She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
