Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
