Your mouth is God's brothel.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
So. Much. Porn.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize