Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
