oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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