sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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