got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
