i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
