First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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