I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
