I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
