I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
