I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
