Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize