So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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