I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
