if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
