I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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