We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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