Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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