There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
