She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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