I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
