theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
