I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
