There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
