Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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