I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i love accidental penises.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
