His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
