I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
