IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
