I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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