i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
