I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Dick very happy bro
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
