I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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