last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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