You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
