after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
