i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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