Just cropdusted the office
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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