Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
