He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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