Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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