I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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