laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
