Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
