The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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