So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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