i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
