We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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