is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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