gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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