Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
