I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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