White coat. Heels.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
