I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
