dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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