Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
