Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
