Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
