somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize