hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
