Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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