So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
