I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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