Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
